Parting Shots

Geez Steve, let the rest of us in the frame, why dontcha?

So we're home now, shivering on a 68-degree day, forced to wear long pants and long sleeves. The trip was good, fun was had by all, I assume, and next year we need to get a bigger, drug-dealer house so Jason & Michelle can join the fun.

Some wrapping-it-up tidbits:

*Next year we've got to remember to schedule an A's game for the day we arrive. Much quicker drive than Scottsdale.

*The freeway photo speedtraps are at the Shea Ave. and Cactus Ave. offramps.

*Service at Hooters in Tempe has sucked two years in a row. We need to go to The Library next time.

Worst ballpark traffic? Hohokam in Mesa.

Best ballpark traffic? Phoenix Muni.

Best ballpark food? A's left field grill, outdoor vendors at Surprise.

Worst ballpark beer? Hohokam. Bud, Bud Light, and Corona and Dos Equis, if you can find it. And a one-beer minimum? Weak.

Toughest tickets? Scottsdale. We got 'em before they went on sale to the public and they were still 400 feet from the plate. At least they weren't bleachers.

Easiest tickets? Surprise. Possible the best seats I've ever been in -- two rows behind the dugout. Jason, I don't know when you got those, but remember to do it again next year.

Best ballpark engineering? Surprise. The section between first and third is shady the entire game. Sheer genius.

Worst fans? Surprise, this year. We were the youngest by about 30 years, and you could literally hear the infield being raked between innings. Peoria was better this year. Maybe all the blue-hairs were in bed by the 7:05 start.

Most annoying fans? Hohokam. I think each of us wanted to punch someone. As a side note, no other stadium else shows off the contrast of hot college hardbodies and morbid obesity to the extent that there is there.

Worst drivers in America? Phoenix metro area. Holy crap. Between going 50 on the freeway, cutting across four lanes to the offramp, waiting forever for left turns, and not turning right on reds. . . . wow. I believe "Go! Fucking go!" is the most-uttered phrase in the city. Other than, "I'd like a chicken burrito, please."

Here are few final thoughts and indellible images. (I love that term for photo spreads!)

Ahhh, giant TV, you will be missed the most...

Ahhh, the pool table. I really fooled all those saps, making them think I suck at pool.

Somebody likes margaritas. Actually, two somebodies.

Word to the wise: Don't leave your power box unlocked when a certain somebody is around.

Our fake, broken cactus in the front yard.

Final day -- A's-Brewers at Phoenix Municipal. It's 101 degrees, but thank god we're in the shade beneath the overhang.

Where's Bobby? Oh 510, where art thou?

Joe Kennedy sucked. Nine runs, 10 hits in two-plus innings. Jason, if you can throw with your left arm, give the A's a call. You couldn't have done much worse.

Thanks for giving me the ticket with the view.

Prince Fielder likes his doughnuts. But man, he can hit, and he can move like a cat.

Ron wants a mixtape of the music played at Phoenix.

"I wear my sunglasses at night...."

Oooooh, Hot Photographer is looking my way. She wants me, but I'm gonna play it cool.

The cover boy for Modern Amish magazine.

Is that the Hilton sisters? They're so glamorous!

The final swing of spring.